“The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.”
Luke 15:16 NLT

This is the predicament the prodigal son found himself in after turning away from his father to make a way for himself. I have been in this place so many times for so many different reasons: lost and hungry for something, and not always sure exactly what. But whatever it was, I was sure I wasn’t getting it.

Hunger is produced in so many ways. It can be the result of broken relationships, absent parents, lack of self-care, or abuse. It is what causes an aching in our souls, an insatiable emptiness that nags to be filled. It is because of our hurts, our pains, our fears, our disappointments. It is the lack of all that we deem good and essential for life. This world provides myriad opportunities for these things to be robbed from us. And it hurts!

This is where I imagine the prodigal son to have found himself in this scripture: lost, alone, and brokenhearted because things did not turn out the way he thought they would. But that is also where I imagine his heart was before he ever left home.

We look back on the story, and because we know the ending, we can see that he indeed had a good, good father. He was lacking nothing. He had everything he needed for his present everyday life, as well as the promise of a future inheritance. But something had to be missing in order for him to turn his back completely on his father and brother and take his inheritance with no plans of looking back. The story doesn’t tell us exactly what this thing was that the son so desperately thought he needed but was not getting at home. But there is an obvious level of resentment.

When You are Like the Prodigal Son

I completely relate. God has proven to me, time and time again, that He is God and He is good. But I am no stranger to this place. I’m not sure if it is pride or fear that causes it, but we have a tendency to focus on the one thing we didn’t get or feel we will never have. A wall of anger builds toward to God around this hurt and we refuse to let him touch it. Maybe life has gone out of its way to prove to you that no man will ever really be there for you. Or circumstances seem to reveal that you will never really be able to communicate with the people in your family. Maybe it seems no one understands you or really knows you and no one ever will. Maybe your childhood was so traumatic and dysfunctional that, even though you somehow are able to see the goodness of God in others, you just can’t begin to believe He will ever be truly good to you.

And then you find yourself in the Father’s house, labeled a son, with access to everything He has, but you don’t really know Him. And frankly, you don’t care to. Like the young man in this story, you want out! You would prefer to make your own way and you are pretty sure you can figure out a better way to do it.  You love God on some level, or at least know you should, but you don’t trust Him.

Can you relate? Are there places in your heart where you have packed up and left God? I am just recently coming out of one of these seasons. Like the prodigal son in verse 17, I’ve recently come to my senses. I’ve looked around and come to grips with the fact that I was better off in my Father’s house. Life and circumstances have humbled me and I realize I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was.

But what really struck me, this most recent time hearing the famous parable, was that I, like the prodigal son, was coming home not because I missed my dad, but because I was at my wit’s end.

The prodigal son was so empty, so broken, that he desired what he knew was not good for him. The scripture doesn’t say he was willing to resort to the pods that the pigs were eating. It says they looked good to him. Ever been in that place? Have you ever strongly desired what you knew in your heart of hearts was not at all good for you? This is the deception that comes along with turning your back on God to fulfill your own needs. We often have to learn this hard way.

But thankfully, just like the prodigal son, God, in His sovereignty and mercy did not allow me access to the pods. The scripture says because no one would give him anything, he came to his senses. I can now sit and rejoice at all the things God didn’t let me have in order to give me what He knew I needed. But in the process, I was actually upset. I was upset that God did not give me what I needed growing up and now, I thought,  He won’t even let me get it myself. I was upset that I had to settle for doing things God’s way in order to be able to at least eat. Isn’t that just how the enemy makes things look. So many us have settled with sitting in the house of God as His servants because at least the servants eat better than the pigs. But deep down we are still hurt, resentful, and afraid and like the older son in the story, we may not be running off with our inheritance but we still don’t know Him.

I really did not know God until I started making my way back home. I had squandered all that He had given me, and rebelled against Him because of all I thought He didn’t give me, yet He welcomed me home with open arms. I received the exact opposite of what I expected from Him. Because of that, I’m finally coming to the understanding that there is truly  no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

But what do I do with this sadness that lingers because of the disappointment that is still very real? How do I reconcile the hunger that still exists in those broken, wounded places?

The way I should have all along, I give them to my Daddy. I don’t just will myself to believe that He is a good, good Father, I grant Him opportunity to prove it. And beyond my wildest dreams, He has!

He Will Withhold No Good Thing

I have learned that when I experience aching and emptiness, I am to let it push me towards God, and not away from Him. There will always be questions that I can’t answer and longings that I am unable to fill. But I am confident that my Father sees me, He hears me and He understands. He will withhold no good thing from me (Psalms 84:11).  I have decided that if it seems like He is withholding something that because of the depravity of my heart it just looks good but most likely isn’t or He wants to provide that need through different means. But He will provide! And I will lack no good thing! (Psalms 34:10)  Plain and simple, and I refuse to believe anything else!

Will you believe?

He wants to be the Father you didn’t have. He wants to provide the love you didn’t get. He is the only one who can truly fill the emptiness. I recognize that this is definitely a process and I don’t claim to have come anywhere near the end of it. I am not completely sure whether I ever will, this side of eternity. But I do know this: I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord and it is far better than anything I could manufacture on my own. Now, I can see how desperately hungry I really was, and I don’t plan on ever letting myself get there again.

Regardless of where you find yourself on this journey, whether you still have quite a bit of inheritance left to blow, or you’re finding yourself desiring slop, or you are at home still but mad at your Father, find comfort in this:

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”
John 6:35

And when you find yourself hungry, draw closer. Make sure it’s not because you don’t know Him or because you have shut Him out. The enemy will try to use this emptiness to prove to you that God doesn’t care. But given the opportunity, God will use it to prove how much He really, really does!

“So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him”
Luke 15:20