I recently attended a conference that was a training in a model of inner healing that is a way of connecting us to Jesus, so that we can receive His truth and be set free from traumatic experiences[1]. We were put into groups of three where we would practice this method which started with telling your group members about a positive memory you recalled.

When it was my turn, the very first memory that popped into my head was that of my “re-engagement.” I told my group members how, in 2005, both of my sons got engaged and would be getting married in the summer of 2006. That same year my husband and I would be celebrating our “30-20 anniversary”—30 years since we first got married and 20 years of consecutive marriage (that’s a long story in itself, which I did not go into). We were planning to celebrate it by renewing our vows.

I told them how my head had been filled with the stories of how each of my sons had planned and executed romantic proposals to their fiancées. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my husband had never proposed in such a way. We had been married twice to each other (again, part of the long story) but the first time we had just made an off the cuff decision to get married. The second time, we were washing dishes in the kitchen when he asked me very tentatively if I would consider marrying him again. Now, twenty years later, I was feeling like I had gotten short-changed in the romance department.

So, I told my husband that before we renewed our vows, I would like him to really propose to me. I didn’t tell him when or how, just that it had to happen by our anniversary in July. As the months passed and nothing happened, I began to think that this was something I shouldn’t expect and probably shouldn’t have asked for. 

Then on Mother’s Day we attended a luncheon at the home of one of my closest friends. We were having a great time, enjoying good food and even dancing a little bit.

I recalled vividly how, all of a sudden, it seemed like everyone in the room peeled away from me. I found myself sitting alone while the other guests were on the opposite side of the room standing in a semicircle. I saw my husband coming towards me with a single long stem red rose that had completely opened up. I could see him get down on one knee and hold out the rose to me. I was weeping so loudly that I could barely hear the words he was saying. He asked me to marry him again, then told me to look inside the rose that I was now holding. There I found a beautiful gold and amethyst ring. I was actually wearing the ring the day of the conference and showed it to my group members.

The next part of the exercise was to identify what I most appreciated about that positive memory. In this case I knew that it was desire fulfilled. For years I had secretly nurtured a desire to be celebrated in a surprise way. As I told my group members about that moment, I was once again basking in the feeling of being special and cherished.

The final part of the exercise was to invite Jesus into the picture to show me His living, interactive presence in the moment. I was taken to the moment when I had stopped crying and was still sitting there apart from the other guests. This time it was the Lord kneeling before me, washing my feet. Then I saw Him sit back on His haunches and tuck the towel into the right side of His belt. As I continued to watch I saw Him sit down on my right while my husband was sitting on my left. His presence was warm and comforting.

A few days later, in my devotional time, I came across Jeremiah 31:3 and paused to meditate on it.

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. (NKJV)

I remembered the countless times I had heard Him say, and had recorded in my journal, that He loves me with an everlasting love.

I couldn’t help but think about the song we had been singing in church the previous Sunday: “Everlasting God.” I highlighted the words “everlasting love” in my Bible and wrote in the margin: “He loves us according to who He is: the everlasting One.”

The dictionary lists the synonyms for “everlasting:” “eternal, perpetual, timeless, immortal, unending, abiding, lasting, permanent, constant, boundless, ceaseless, continual, continuous, deathless, endless, imperishable, incessant, indestructible, interminable, limitless.”

Days later when I was talking to Jesus about times when I still felt short-changed and left out, He took me back to the memory of the re-engagement. I could still see Him sitting there with us. Then I felt like the Lord had gotten up and was inviting me to dance with Him and twirled me around the room.

I heard Him say: “The re-engagement was special for you because it meant you were no longer left out…[no longer] short-changed…You are not second-class, second choice, or second best. You are my first choice, my beloved. You can count on that.”

God’s love for me—and for all of us—like the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 in The Message translation, “never gives up… keeps going to the end.” 

We are all His first choice, His beloved, and, because of His nature, His love is something we can count on. 

[1] The Immanuel Approach, www.immanuelapproach.com